Republican Consultant Denies Humping Mannequin With Ice Penis, But The Photo Just Leaked

Yet another top Republican operative has found himself in a sexual misconduct scandal. Thankfully, this time the only victim is a Florida man’s pride.

Tallahassee consultant Joshua Cooper has worked for years as Governor Rick Scott’s political attack dog, digging up dirt on the governor’s enemies and smearing progressives on behalf of a corrupt and pernicious administration – earning nearly half a million dollars for his work, including nearly $25,000 in taxpayer funds.

But a newly unearthed photograph is raising eyebrows in Miami. 

“It is not at all what it looks like,” complains Rick Scott, who denies that he took a large slab of ice and then used it to pantomime sexual intercourse with a mannequin.

This picture, however, begs to differ.

Cooper swears that he was simply tossing the ice aside. “That was a photo one of my barbecue teammates took. That was our ice luge. It melted, so I was picking it up and throwing it over the fence there. But from the angle he took the picture from, my teammates thought it looked funny and posted it online” complained Cooper to the Miami New Times.

However, his “barbecue” team’s slogan of “getting it moist, and keeping it there” heavily implies that he is the sort of man who might joke around with an ice penis.

 

Add your name to millions demanding Congress take action on the President’s crimes. IMPEACH TRUMP & PENCE!


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